Three Cheers For Five Years

"I swear that you don't have to go, I thought we could wait for the fireworks, I thought we could wait for the snow to wash over Georgia and kill the hurt. I thought I could live in your arms and spend every moment I had with you, stay up all night with the stars, confess all the faith that I had in you. Too late, I'm sure, and lonely, another night, another dream wasted on you. Just be here now, against me, you know the words, so sing along for me baby.

For Heaven's sake, I know you're sorry, but you wont stop crying. This anniversary may never be the same. Inside I hope you know I'm dying, with my heart beside me, in shattered pieces that, may never be replaced. And if I died right now, you'd never be the same.

I thought with a month of apart, together would find us an opening. And moonlight would provide the spark, and that I would stumble across your key, or break down the door to your heart. Forever could see us, not you and me. And you'd help me out of the dark, and I give my heart as an offering.

And I...Will always...Rememeber you as, you are right now to me.

So sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side, sleep alone tonight.

So when this is over don't blow your composure, baby I can't forget you...I know you want me to want you, I want to..."

Reflection.

"Look at me, you may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me. Everyday, it's as if I play a part. Now I see, if i wear a mask, I can fool the world, but I cannot fool my heart. Who is this girl i see? Straring straight, back at me. When will my reflections show who I am inside? I am now, in a world where I have to hide my heart, and what I believe in. But somehow, I will show the world what's in my heart, and be loved for who I am. Who is this girl I see, staring straight, back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all the time. When will my reflection show, who I am inside? There's a heart that must be free to fly, that burns with a need to know the reasons why. Why must we all conceal what we think how I feel? Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide. I wont pretend that I'm someone else for all the time. When will my reflections show who I am inside?"

No Regrets.

Everything happens for a reason right? I was thinking about this and if everything happens for a reason then we shouldn't regret things. Sure, maybe we didn't want to do something, but it changed you in the bigger picture. So even if you think you made a mistake, somewhere along this journey you might realize how it might have helped you grow or helped you learn from your mistake. I am a firm believer in learning from your own mistakes. Granted, you might not want to make every mistake, but you will learn from the ones you make better then from someone else telling you not to. EXAMPLE: If a mother tells her child, "Dont play with fire you'll burn yourself." I'm pretty sure the child will do it and AFTER they burn themself they truly learn that hmm maybe fire isn't a good thing to play with. I am not saying go out and do something really dumb, I am just saying that, back to my original topic, you will learn from things that you do so you maybe you shouldn't live your life regretting everything wrong you do. As long as you learn from it then you shouldn't have regrets. Yes, sometimes I wish I knew why things happened. Not the typical arguement of "Why did God let this happen?" but asking myself "Why did I let this happen?"

Music always gets me thinking.

I know I have already kinda touched base with this in an earlier blog, but man the past couple days I find myself thinking about it alot. Songs have such a great affect on me, and maybe it's because I am an artistic person and we are more "emotional." But when I listen to music, the words really hit home sometimes. Lately I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about the words the way I am, like it bringing back memories I shouldn't dwell on. I have found myself, in my car, ipod on shuffle, and hearing a song and immediately thinking of someone or something and I get all emotional. IT'S LIKE A ROLLER COASTER! Don't you just hate it when you don't want to think about something, and the more you try not to the more you do or things remind you of it? Yeah, that's been me the past few weeks. And when I'm asleep, and have no control over what I'm thinking about...it's there too! I cant seem to shake it and at the same time I don't want to shake it. This is where I am at crossroads. Here comes Michelle, the torn one, the one who can never make up her mind, the one who always has to opposing opinions and thoughts. Maybe I am one of those weird chicks you read about in books, the ones who have two different personalities. One good, one evil. (Don't freak out I'm not bipolar or schizophrenic just talking figuratively.) It really frustrates me, but for right now, I don't know what to do about it.

Maybe It's Not My Weekend...

But it's gonna be my year. I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere. And this is my reaction to everything I fear. Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here. <<< that my friend, is truly how I have been feeling lately. Maybe it's just Senioritis...but I doubt it. I am a person of new, change, adventure, random. So being in the same place, at the same school, with the same people for a few years is starting to get to me. It's not just school, only been there for five years. It's not just where I live, only been living here for eleven years. It's not just the people, I meet people all the time...It's everything. I am ready for a new place, new people, new experiences. I'm so sick of being here and going through the motions. I am not one to get attached, so it's easy to say I probably wont miss anything about being here. Sure, I'll miss maybe two or three people, but life goes on.

The Eve of Alone...

So it's Christmas Eve, and this year I have been spending it clutched to the porcelain. The flu decided to grab me on this day, and to top it off I am house sitting at my sisters. I am going to curl up on the couch, grab a soft blanket and watch "The Office." So it might not be my best Christmas Eve, but hey, we cant always pick how things are going to play out. This makes me realize how people who live alone, ones who live far away from family, or maybe don't even have a family feel. It is definately making me thankful for what I have, but also making me not looking forward to living alone...

Talking Essay for English Class.

So I have decided to take a totally new view of how to write a talking essay, hope you enjoy:

It is a habit we all seem to have, something we cant seem to keep under control. A habit that fogs most teenagers' mind; the habit of talking when you should not be. We all know we do it, and we know that it is wrong, but for some reason we have such a difficult time keeping it under control. Maybe it is because the mind set of most teenagers is that what they have to say is more important then what is going on. However, when you look at grades, kids who talk more, do worse on tests and quizzes. So why do we continue to do it? Why is it so hard for us to just stop, clamp it, and listen? I wish I could give you a legitimate reason, but there really is no excuse. When I look into scripture it all says the same thing, "walk in obedience to him." What does that really mean? In my opinion it can be seen two ways. First, you cannot just say you are obedient, you have to actually be(VERB) obedient. It is similar to when you say you are sorry, and then five minutes later you do the same thing. When you are sorry and truly mean it, then you do not do it again, you put it behind you, you stop(VERB). Second, you have to make it a daily thing. You cannot just decide to be good and obedient one day(or to one person) then not be the next day(or to another person). People say that the way you stop one habit is to replace it with another. For example, sometimes smokers quit by chewing sunflower seeds instead. So maybe teenagers should try to replace this habit of talking with a new habit of obedience. Once you start to do it all the time, it will get easier. And before you know it, you will not even have to give it a second thought...